I finally found out the date of my last final exam. I am used to being informed of this information before I even register for a class, and that's when I don't have a flight, a job, and trips to plan. It is on July 6th so I figured I would go home a week after my exam. However, more advanced notice is apparently necessary to change the dates of international flights, so my mom bought a ticket for the first one with an open seat. I will be flying out of Buenos Aires on July 19th and arriving in Chicago on the 20th. At first I was disappointed about the prospect of having less time to work at Kama and see my family and home friends, but then I discovered the bright side of things. I will finally have some time to spend in Buenos Aires when I am not worrying about homework, tests, and projects. How cool is that? I will have two weeks to hang out with my Argentine friends, read the books I bought, watch Argentine films, visit other barrios, and hopefully go to a fútbol game. I have not decided yet if I am going to plan a last trip before I leave the country. I have such conflicted feelings right now about where I want to be and who I want to spend time with the most. I wish I had a time turner so I could be in 5 places at once (Madison, Chicago, Buenos Aires, Rosario, and Perú).
This past week-end I had a revelation. Maybe that's not the right word. Dictionary.com defines revelation as "something revealed or disclosed, especially a striking disclosure, as of something not before realized." This is actually something that was realized once, buried, and then rediscovered. When I took my first psychology class in high school, I was hooked. I was fascinated by the idea of learning about.. learning. Learning about how people function and think. I took two more classes while I was there and then hit a crossroads at graduation. I knew that I loved psychology, but I also loved literature. I loved the concept of teaching but the idea of talking to patients and helping them improve their life and attitude also really intrigued me. I had two amazing high school English teachers that opened my eyes to things I had never thought of before. Mr. Stukel incorporated psychological concepts into his literature instruction. I enjoyed this immensely. I thought analyzing the thoughts, desires and unconscious states of characters was a fascinating way to read a novel. Mrs. Roessler taught me about Transcendentalism through literature and helped me realize that there is no reason why you should ever hesitate to be completely how you want to be. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "It is easy in the world to life after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." Or more simply, "If I am not myself, who else will be?" -Henry David Thoreau. Both of these teachers changed my life forever and I still consider them good friends. However, because of the impact they had on me, I thought that I had to be an English teacher to change someone's outlook so profoundly. I also strayed away from the idea of teaching psychology because in many high schools, psychology is in the history department, and you have to teach history classes in order to teach psychology. I am no history buff and I had to make a choice, so I chose English.
I have loved my English classes at Madison but I always had a lingering desire to take psychology courses if I had extra room. People always say to take the classes that interest you and don't worry about what you're going to do with them until later. This makes so much more sense to me after having experienced it firsthand here in Buenos Aires. When I realized that most of the classes in these Argentine universities were not going to transfer back to classes that I needed for major credit at Wisconsin, my advisor told me to take classes that interested me. I do not believe it was not an arbitrary decision of mine to take psychology classes. Although they were extremely difficult at first because of the language barrier and different teaching styles, I have fallen in love with both my Structure of Subjectivity and Psychology of the Personality classes. I actually feel like I am on the same page as the students in these classes (contrary to my literature class, where I often times feel very lost due to my ignorance of literary movements and historical events). I love meeting people, interacting with them, and learning about them. I recognize that psychology is taught differently here than it is in the US, but the roots are the same and I know what interests me. Argentina has helped me realize something that I have shoved aside for a few years now. I want my future to involve psychology. I still love literature, but I can have hobbies, right? I am not sure at this point whether I want to teach psychology in high school, teach it in college, or become a psychologist myself. But these decisions come with time, experience, and knowledge. I am excited and terrified about this decision, but I think it's better that I am confronting it rather than just pushing it away and fabricating silly excuses.
Two nights ago, Ana Lucía left to stay at Suky's house for the night and the power went out while I was practicing my psychology presentation at 1 AM. This always happens when no one else is home; I'm starting to think it's all in my mind since there's never anyone there to testify. I did my homework by candlelight and cuddled with Toto for comfort while hoping that my newly purchased Parmesan would not go bad from lack of refrigeration. Of course the next morning was the one time a week when I wake up before the sun, and the lights were still out. I think the power outage was a test of how well I know the house and my own daily routine. I knew I passed the test because I managed to put shampoo in my hair before the conditioner while showering in the pitch black.
Some things that used to really bother me about this country are things that I realize I am going to miss. Maybe I will miss the power going out unexpectedly every once in a while. It brings me back to Medieval times and I get to carry around a candle like a torch. Maybe I will miss the weird pharmacy system of having to pay for something, get a receipt, and then receive the object after another worker retrieves it from behind a glass door. An opportunity to talk to multiple people about the feminine products I need to buy. Maybe I will miss having a doorman. A loyal friend who is always there greet me, give me play recommendations, and offer a shoulder to cry on after a stressful day in the city. Maye I will miss no one ever having change at any of the stores. Sometimes this means a discount or just that I am forced to buy an alfajor. Maybe I will miss Tango peeing on the floor right outside my room. Just a reminder that I should spend more time with him and take him on fun adventure walks. Maybe I will miss class never starting on time because the professor arrives 30 minutes late. More time for meeting new friends, neglecting to work on unfinished homework and instead deciding to make plans for coffee.
I added more Iguazú pictures to this entry because part of my heart is still there.
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